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BANG BALLS
FREEDOM OF SPEECH NOTHING SHOULD BE IMPOSED
IDEAS NOT LEECHED ONLY CREATIVELY COMPOSED |
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Jasmine
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Thursday, October 27, 2005
LEAVE - 65% (i can't draw for nuts) okay. i'm writing another long entry. and i don't quite know why. maybe its because i want to hide the previous one from you. i want to delete it but yet i want you to read it. so i hope this long long long one will like just push it down into the depths of hell and you'll never see it. HAIYA. don't know lah. i really don't know. things are getting better i guess? i don't feel hurt or sad. i don't know why but yah. thats what i'm feeling now. but if i speak to you, who knows, things might get worse, or they might just get better. read what you said about hurting others. don't think so much. you'll never decide on anything. just choose and live by it. dragging it on will only hurt you. maybe them as well. but yah. hurting is part of life. through hurt will one then know what happiness is. i want to tell you so much about the others. i want to say so much. but i guess what they tell me is true. who am i to speak of them? in your eyes i might just be an ass thats trying to 'wipe out' competition. but i hope you know its not true. i really want to tell you things before things get too late and ugly. but how to?! you rather believe him than me or him. so what can i say to change things?! i really don't know. sometimes i get super annoyed at the way girls think and all. why don't you all see it?! all the guys see it, but you all don't and it just gets so saddening. you know what? i'm not sad about everything. i'm just sad when i think the other one could be E. its just that. yah. i don't want to say anything unless you ask me. but yah. whatever. i really like B and i told you right? go for it. hes a great guy. and i really think he and you will just make it. i don't know what else to say. i'm in no position to say anything. i added MAN to BATS to form BATMAN and now, i'm part of it. its so stupid and retarded lah. i think if i had chosen to be a ball-less guy and just keep mum about how i feel, all will be fine lah. but i had to be HONEST. and now, look where it has landed everything up?! sometimes i wish i didn't say anything. but its too late to regret anything right? yah... i want to see you. i want to talk to you. and by the way. all the disney movies have been downloaded (except mulan lah. don't know why.) i want to watch them, but i so wish that you'll be by my side when i watch them. and thus, i don't want to watch them now. just a little hope that things may get bettter and then we'll watch them TOGETHER. but yah. with hope/expectations come pain/suffering. but whats life without pain right? like that then no fun already. really don't know if i should go for GM tomorrow. things will be so shitty. having to see you and then want to see you but not daring to see you in the eye and all. fucked... thats all i can say man. happy yet so scared. rubbish. okay. apart from all that, i spoke to many people today. and everyone who has heard what i want to do from now thinks i'm NUTS. but yah. can you blame me?! not as if its the first day you've met me. i'm so damn retarded and mad. i really don't know if what i'm going to do is going to screw up my life or just make it better. this choice can either MAKE or BREAK my whole life. i need to talk to more people. i need support from people. i need them to support me in whatever i choose. sometimes, your blessings would be enough. but i really don't know. i really don't i'm like stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. yup. the deep blue sea being my hopes and dreams, and the devil my present life. nothings going fine. why does everything have to fuck up at the same time?! promos were fine. CCDD. promoted. but is this the life? is this what i want?! what do i want?! fuck. i really don't know. and yes life does suck. the future is really in my own hands now. but i don't know whats going to happen. be optimistic. be happy. what bullshit. nights and see you. |
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