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BANG BALLS
FREEDOM OF SPEECH NOTHING SHOULD BE IMPOSED
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Jasmine
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Wednesday, November 09, 2005
the selfish man life is about you being selfish. its all about me and nothing but me, myself and i. theres no such thing as next of kin. neither is there such a term as your loved one. all you can ever have is someone you care about. but even in caring, you hurt yourself. and so. if you don't ever want to be hurt or feel the feeling of being hurt, never care for and never love. love causes you to become senseless and blind. you don't know what you're doing and you do it because you care. you hurt yourself because you care about her. honestly, its pure bullshit. you hurt yourself for the one you love. why not just invest this love interest/care/concern/whatever other "good" emotions on yourself? won't you be so much happier? why does man always seek a partner? does this partner he seeks contain the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle (the parallel to your whole life) or is this partber the missing piece? if its the first case, its easy, man need not have a partner. cause you can just learn to be or rather cultivate this "magical thing" your would/should-be partner has. but if its the second senario, things get a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot more ccomplicated (and sadly its always the latter that happens. fuck). you go all out to win/attain/steal/whatever other methods you can think of to lay your paws on her. and in the process, you don't see things around you. you become manipulative. you become dishonest and you become a bastard. thats when you try too hard for anything. even if its not a girl. bu ze shou duan kind of sums it all up. the methods don't have to justify the end in your eyes. but in hers and others around you, you screw up big time. you become a heavy colour light friend person. you neglect people around you. you turn people down. you work your schedule around hers. you do really stupid things like keep checking if shes online. you keep looking at your phone to see if you've got a message or miss call from her. you go to friendster and look at her profile, and when you see someone else add a testimonial for her you become jealous and possive. you keep reading her blog. you keep wanting to see her. you look at her from a distance and when she looks over you quickly turn away (its so childish right?). you keep thinking about her and whats best for her. you forget that what you think is best for her might not actually be whats best for her. you ask her to not worry, but that in itself causes her to worry even more. you keep telling her you care for and love her, but it comes to a point in which to her it doesn't really matter. you pray for her. you want to spend your whole day with her (be realistic. your whole life? not a chance. no girl is meant for your whole life. love always changes. and thats what excites us). you just want her to fall ever so snugly into your arms. you just want to be that shoulder she'll need to run to in times of pain and hurt. you want to be her source of comfort and refuge. you want so much and so little you get. if you never had all the expectations above, the little that she gives would actually make you a happy happy happy man. but because you want so much from her, the little that she gives is NEVER enough. admit it. you're just fucking fucking fucking GREEDY. why can't you just be happy with what you had? why did you have to ask for more? pepsi = ask for more. coke = enjoy (or something like that) now you know why coke is SOOOOO much more popular right? pepsi just chose the wrong slogan. more = none. and thats how life really is. expect and expect your heart to be broken time and time again. so maybe thats why JFI is so good. you just not think about things that if you think about too much will eventually screw up. you learn to accept things as they come. even if its the biggest pile of shit. back to why you must be selfish. as seen from the movie THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT (do not. i repeat do NOT watch it. its really going to fuck your brain to hell and below. screwy film) when you keep trying to make life perfect for everyone around you (of which is the "right" thing to do in society), you always end up the only victim. victim of what i don't know. but a victim. you suffer alone. and it sucks. rather, why don't you be the happy one and not think so much about everyone. let someone else suffer. and not let it be you. its life. it'll teach that person something. 1) how to really really really hate your guts 2) how to deal with pain and suffering (he'll become stronger) 3) how to just not feel so much in the future 4) how to solve the problems that you've just thrown into his face. 5) how to etc ec. let your imagination run wild but point is, why suffer when life is supposed to be joyous and happy? remember the hedonistic approach to everything? it might just make things a lot easier. you happy and maybe someone else not. so what if hes sad or miserable？hes going to learn something. and look at it this way, hes definately going to remember you for the time you bastarded him. and put it this way, no one is really good. no one is purely good. yov always have the devil in you. whether you let it take full control of you is another matter (but preferbly, don't). at times its just that simple step you've got to take to hurt that person. hurt -> hurting -> hurt-ed -> hate -> hating -> hated... it'll continue i guess. but yah. why bother so much? its just going to be this cycle when he eventually feels that hating you is hurting him just too much and then it'll go on and on and on. till kingdom come. amen. and basically, this idiot whom you've just hurt would be a lot smarter (i hope) to look for happiness in a new thing/person. he won't stay on and continue hurting for the rest of his life. its stupid/immature/retarded/etc to do so. its better to have loved and lost to have never loved before. and besides, the relationship between people no matter of what status it peaked at will/would have taught him something. every relationship has some little memory/emotion/momento for either pary to keep. be it good or bad, its a memory that you should cherish. cause when you lose your memory, things like that would be so distant from you. and maybe you might want to keep a diary. but... if you had really lost your memory, i guess its fate. and that theres no point in you trying to jolt your old memories and make them come back to you. whats lost is meant to be lost. whats found is meant to be found. go against nature and you suffer. so... don't be stupid. if you see a wall, don't wear a helmet and run into in time and time again, hoping to bring it down. jump over it/dig under it/blow it to bits/run around it/grow wings and fly over it/etc whatever it is, don't do things te hard way. whats said and told is meant to aid you in your life (okay. that really depends on who says it and the motive of the person saying it) and hopefully try and keep you from harm. but i guess its okay to get a bua-la-ku on your head once in a while. but don't keep running into the wall, it'll just break your skull. and remember. don't ever run away from this wall. cause when you're ready to return to conqure/outsmart it, it might not even be there for you to be a obstacle. you might lose the chance. so just act when you think its right. timing is really important. when you see the octave open you lunge in and you get the point. you don't wait anymore. when the person is off guard, go for the kill. same for the wall. this opportunity won't always be there for you. i like hurting myself. gives me a high. so good night. loves |
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